stepping inwards and outwards

Ever since the job loss, I have had encounters with people I see almost every other day.
The difference this time, I think, is my frame of mind.
I have made a tough decision that I no longer want to live in a surviving mode, making ends meet.
This is just me, but I think it no longer serves my creative spirit or on a grander scale, serve humanity. (if you are feeling stuck like I am)
I have had much support from my surroundings, but this time, I seem to be noticing, allowing, accepting it.
It is so easy to get lost and feel like in a hamster wheel, running around in circles.
I am dreaming but I have not felt more alive than I do now.
Something, some force, I can finally feel is pulling me forward effortlessly. Even though I feel scared, somehow I know I will be ok and will be supported.
Ever since my job situation unexpectedly changed, I have had this soundtrack in my head, all day long.
You know how you hear a tune on the radio or in a store or anywhere, and the song just stays in your head, especially if it is an annoying one?
The song I have been humming day in and day out goes like this.
“Baby don’t worry… about a thing… cause every little thing s’ gonna be alright…na na na na nana” (Bob Marley’s “Three Little Birds”)
And believe it or not, its not annoying me one bit but actually quite reassuring.

My ego wants to jump in and continue to play it safe by returning to the same old routine and settle, but I won’t let it. I have to give my inner artist its voice again.

I have, all my life loved creating things with my hands, painting being my biggest passion, but also making candles, pottery, soap, cooking, crafts of all sort.
I have loved working with children and animals in the past as well.
You are too often left to believe growing up, that these are simple past times.
Now, I come to realize, as an instant click, that I too want to help the world. It is a big task but it only needs to start with one person.
My ah ha! moment of the day is combining my love of paint and craft and working with others, helping others unleash their own creative beings as well as my own.
Perhaps Art Therapy, or teach art classes?
the Biggest misconception, is on the mention on having a ‘creative’ life, is to assume to make Art, with a capital A.
“well, I don’t know how to draw or paint” one would say. But in actuality, painting or drawing is only one outlet of creativity. One can be creative with numbers, science, literature, medicine, etc… and even in the corporate world.
The question I am now asking myself, is that what I do, how I lead my life, who does it serve and what does it provide? Does it promote the humanness of humanity? or does it only continue to promote living for only the self or create robots out of us?
The answers of my past are no longer acceptable now.
Where does that lead me? Who knows, but I Know that support will be there.

Goodnight for now and keep dreaming.
Mel

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.